Is it sad that I’m extremely happy to be done with this whole traveling thing and am currently in route home? While I was on vacation people wouldn’t allow me to BE on vacation! I must have been in la la land while I was making all these plans and imagining all the things I was going to see and do in Southeast Asia. I forgot myself. I forgot I was black. I forgot to look up the places that were safe and unsafe for someone of my complexion. I just forgot.
I’m happy I conquered some parts of the world all by myself and the things I got to see and do took my breath away, but I’m currently sitting here imagining how different all those experiences would have been if I didn’t have to force myself to be a carefree black girl. If I didn’t have to force myself to ignore all the pointing fingers and laughter and glares and people taking my picture and getting in my personal space without my permission. Seriously. In the words of someone wise on Tumblr, “It gets really tiring trying to be unapologetically Black all the time. To be carefree and just fully confident, unashamed in [Black] skin. What’s it like to just exist… and not have that weigh on you?”
I think Laos did a number on me both mentally and physically and tourist from China…fuck. I am in half of the vacation photos of Chinese tourists. Out of all the pictures I was in, probably only two people actually asked for my permission. People haven’t gotten the memo that I no longer work as a zoo animal.
The world is so beautiful and the things that humans have managed to create are just so extraordinary and breathtaking that I could cry. I think this is why my brain is so confused as to why we still treat each other in such a grotesque and appalling manner. I don’t know if I’m just in my feels or not but I realized slight changes would have made this trip so much better. If I was with a squad of other black girls things would have changed. I wouldn’t have had to deal with this burden all by myself…but that defeats the purpose of traveling solo I guess. What’s terrible is that in a week I’m going to be wishing I was out of Canada and backpacking around the world again. Why won’t people let me have my cake and eat it too? Why!? Why!!?